The question I’ve asked most often during our marriage, if not out loud, if not to the person who could answer. I suppose these questions stormcloud over every marriage: What are you thinking? How are you feeling? Who are you? What have we done to each other? What will we do?
Sensate focus or sensate focusing is a term usually associated with a set of specific sexual exercises for couples or for individuals. The term was introduced by Masters and Johnson, and was aimed at increasing personal and interpersonal awareness of self and the other’s needs. Each participant is encouraged to focus on their own varied sense experience, rather than to see orgasm as the sole goal of sex. In the first stage, the couple may touch each other’s bodies excluding breasts and genitals. They are encouraged to enjoy and become increasingly aware of the texture and other qualities of their partner’s skin. Intercourse is disallowed. Any focus on the genitals is not allowed. Participants concentrate on what they themselves find interesting in the skin of the other, not on what they think the other may enjoy. (x)